GiST #38

Two things today:

For the last several years, I've complained about the commercialization and Santa-fication of Christmas. I realize the hard times this year are a challenge to me--do I really believe that it's all about the birth of Christ, love, and being together as a family? It was easy enough to say it when I had money for presents to give everyone. But now?

And the good news is the on reflection, I do believe it. It's not about presents. Of course, you can't undo 50-plus years of Christmases overnight and there are days when I feel sad not to have any money for presents. It's not the end of the world. That's not what it's about.

And the other grace is the emerging good memories of my dad. Maybe I'll begin to grieve for him.

One memory of Dad at Christmas: when I was really little, he would read "A Christmas Carol" to me. He wasn't a very good reader so he had to put a finger under each word as he read it aloud. His speech was not bad considering he was severely to profoundly deaf. He tried to put inflection into his voice. I was sorry that he stopped after I got a little older and he began to feel self-conscious about his speech.

Another: I wanted to leave carrots for the reindeer at Christmas. My mom would put out a small plate of cookies and my brother set out a small glass of milk. I thought it was important to feed the reindeer so I put out an unpeeled carrot. The next day there'd be a note from Santa, thanking us for the cookies and milk and thanking me for remembering to feed the reindeer. And there'd be just a jagged stump lying there as if the reindeer had bitten off most of the carrot. Later on, I realized it was my father writing those notes...the handwriting was the same!

I'm glad that these memories are coming back to me. It wasn't all bad stuff.