My GiST Blog

GiST #99

2010-03-23T18:36:00.001-04:00

1. I called to get tickets for Les Miserables and found out that the show was postponed to May. In a way, this is a good thing because hopefully we won't be so financially strapped.

2. My Daily Affirmations For Adult Children of Alcoholics came in the mail today. I got it for $.01 on Amazon and then just paid shipping and handling for it.

3. I wasn't able to get the doctor to agree to a book crossing zone in the waiting room but at least I talked to him about it.

Explanation: Ever since I can remember, the Center for Family Guidance has had a book case where people bring books or take them home. It was sort of like a take one/leave one idea. I left many many books there and also picked up many good reads. Suddenly, it disappeared. When I asked, the office manager (who loved the idea and nurtured it along) said it was because a parent complained about her kids looking at the covers of romance novels. The manager was annoyed with the mother saying it just takes one to spoil it for everyone. All the books had to be removed. Today I decided to present an idea to the psychiatrist in charge. My idea was to move the bookcase across the room where kids don't play. I volunteered to bring in toys for the kids and to check the covers of the books. The doctor liked the idea but said unfortunately they can't go with even that idea because of that woman's complaint. Yeesh, the romance books there are just those cheap things you see sold at the grocery or drug stores. Oh well.

4. I didn't follow my writing or walking schedules today but I was mindful of what I ate!

5. Lost is on tonight! :D

GiST #98

2010-03-22T18:41:00.001-04:00

1. The rain wasn't snow.

2. The temperatures were mild, not cold.

3. Corned beef leftovers for lunch and dinner!

4. A good therapy session

5. Now I'm in a HS play kick. Just saw Beauty and the Beast with Kristin and am now planning to see Les Miserables with Bill. TB doesn't care for musicals. I really shouldn't go ($) but I'm going to. I feel starved sometimes--and it's just $20...so I keep trying to convince myself.

GiST #97

2010-03-21T11:32:00.001-04:00

1. What a beautiful day yesterday!

2. Today is another lovely day so far. I love it!

3. Our grandson, Little T, came over yesterday and that's always a grace for us!

4. We went for a nice walk. I took pictures of Little T and some of the scenery on our walk. It's going to be fun taking pictures of our walks throughout the year!

5. Kristin and I went to see the high school production of "Beauty & the Beast". Many of her friends were in it and I have to say--it was very well cast. I truly enjoyed myself. Two of her closest friends (since sixth grade) "stole the show" as Lumiere and Cogsworth!

GiST 96

2010-03-19T17:43:00.000-04:00

1. I kept to my writing schedule this morning too. :)

2. It's a good thing we just got a couple of reams of printer paper!

3. TB decided he didn't want to go to his doctor appt. this morning. I was relieved--it's a long drive and my stomach was acting up. Appointment was rescheduled.

4. Although I didn't make such great food choices today, I was mindful of what I was doing and that's half the battle!

5. TB and I went for another walk. It was great! The sun was so warm and there was a lovely light breeze.

6. I took my camera along and got this nice picture of what could have been a wreath (but it's fresh from a tree).

Little T loves to go for walks and I thought I could take pictures of these familiar places during each season and catch the changes. That should be fun!

GiST #95

2010-03-18T15:29:00.001-04:00

1. Day Three of sticking to a writing schedule--I need to do this for three months before it becomes ingrained as a habit so I'm going to track it with GiSTs too!

2. It's fascinating to read what I wrote years ago. What a difference between me in 2010 and me in 2001/2002!

3. I found out I saved my diaries and blogs from 2001 on, thank goodness! I used to have all my diaries from age 13 to adulthood and in a moment of anger, I threw them out. Stupid, stupid, stupid...all that history. Oh well.

4. The mess around my desk grows and regrows like mold--so today I cleaned and cleaned again. Much better!

5. Leftover corned beef and cabbage for lunch--yay! It's just about all gone now. In previous years, there wouldn't be any leftovers so weight loss surgery brings yet another blessing! ;)

6. I am being mindful of what I eat and my vitamin regimen. Just took my calcium.

7. My hair is getting really thick and I need a haircut. We can't afford for me to get one yet. On the up side, though, my hair is curling up very nicely.

GiST #94

2010-03-17T15:52:00.002-04:00

1. The sun's been out today and yesterday. The sun's brightened everyone's moods!
2. Every day we are closer to the promise of spring. :D
3. We were spared this:

But TB's gotten a lot more logs and is already busy at work on them!
4. There's a good reason I haven't been online with GiSTs. I've been writing.
5. There is a complete story to part of my life already and I've been working on that--widowhood, struggling through the fog and pain of grief, making a decision to go on, and my remarriage to TB.
6. I've finally begun "scheduling" appointments to write. I didn't like to do it before, found it to be formal and a form of pressure. Whenever I wanted to write, though, something was always coming up. I'm doing much better now that I'm scheduling the time in.
7. I'm being mindful with my snacks, measuring them and limiting how much I eat.
8. We're having corned beef and cabbage again for dinner. I'm so thrilled! I'm also making soda bread scones to go along with it.
9. I am finally wearing the shirt my daughter got me from Walmart that says "Saint Patrick's Day March 17, 2010". It's a large. I was wearing a 2XL and those shirts were getting snug.
10. I've lost over 100 lbs. in the near year I've had surgery and I'm feeling really good!

GiST #93

2010-03-14T17:58:00.000-04:00

1. I got in a solid eight hours of sleep overnight! I think the reason I slept so well was because we'd chased most of the cats out. Lately, Cubby's awakened me early in the morning. It sure felt good to sleep in!

2. Said Cubby kneaded my tummy as I watched the morning news with TB. Have you had a cat knead you and purr as he's doing it? It's soothing! It's also very hypnotic.

3. TB made home made hash from left over corned beef, potatoes, onions and peppers. He also made fried eggs. What a delicious breakfast!

4. The sky brightened this morning after a couple of days of miserable driving rain. The sun came out a little too. We're supposed to get more rain tonight but I don't mind.

5. TB thought to bring his chain saw along when we went out and so he was able to get another couple of nice logs. He's very very happy about that and so am I. :)

6. I got a book out of the library yesterday about writing my life story. This morning I read a little of it and started working on the exercises. I've already done some of the groundwork. That feels good.

7. I am done with 1916--I wasn't enjoying it much! I blogged about it on my reading blog. I started on Cane River this afternoon.

8. Munchkin's been unusually snuggly and especially affectionate with me today. :)

9. I have been mindful of what I'm eating today.

10. I thought of twice the number of GiSTs than I normally do. Today's been good!

GiST #92

2010-03-13T14:28:00.000-05:00

1. Today we got some large, thick branches from a man on Freecycle. TB brought his power saw and cut the 8 foot lengths in half so they would fit into the car. Now he can make more things ... and it was free!

2. The rain is coming down and the wind is blowing hard! The grace is that we are inside, warm and dry. We have a roof over our heads!

3. Everyone in the family likes corned beef and this is especially a grace for me because I love it. ;) Corned beef and cabbage for dinner tonight!

4. The raisin bread we got from St. Ann's is so fresh and delicious toasted with butter.

5. Between writing in a book and typing, I'm managing to get a lot more memories down. They're not all that good but enough of them are so I feel grateful. I shared some with my brother. He doesn't have good memories. I feel sad about that but glad to share the good ones.

GiST #91

2010-03-12T19:00:00.000-05:00

1. God looks out for good people who do foolish things. To get a clue what I'm talking about, check out the next grace.

2. A free heavy wooden door. TB saw it in a dumpster near my surgeon's office. He climbed up and managed to drag it out of the dumpster. Luckily, he didn't slip off, fall, or break his neck.

3. The doctor's visit took all of five minutes and we didn't have to wait long in the waiting room.

4. Corned beef is on sale! I love corned beef!

5. GiST has helped me give the day a much more positive spin. :)

GiST #90

2010-03-11T17:26:00.001-05:00

1. Freecycle. TB picked up a DVD player with a surround sound system. The people giving it away upgraded to a BluRay system. The system only works with the DVD player but it sure makes our movies sound great!

2. St. Ann's food pantry. Every other Thursday, we go and pick up some food. It's a real blessing. We make just a little too much to qualify for food stamps.

3. The sun was out today! The rain storm apparently was delayed. What a beautiful day it was!

4. Having your insurance company think you're going to dump them is good for negotiations. A lower premium will bring down our mortgage payment some more.

5. Crockpots are great for a delicious all-in-one type of meal--so convenient, too!

GiST #89

2010-03-10T14:17:00.000-05:00

1. A quiet day? There's no doctor appointments today!

2. We're supposed to get a lot of rain through the weekend but it's so mild it won't be snow!

3. The free afternoon has given me time to back up my blogs, upload pictures and work on more memories

4. I'm a very fast typist and can finally keep up with my flowing thoughts ... and give my cramping hand muscles a break!

5. Lost discussions on my email list are more and more fascinating with each passing episode. This last one was so moving! I will so miss this show!

GiST #85

2010-03-10T11:11:00.000-05:00

1. Cubby's back with his motoring purr. He likes to head-butt me too. It never fails to melt my heart, lol.

2. The sun came out this afternoon and the dreariness of the day went away.

3. I found some more pictures of my dad and recalled some more good times.

4. I had another productive session with Susan, my therapist. I feel like I'm making some real progress.

5. We have a general outline for Plan A, B, C and even a D with respect to the house and what we can do about the situation we're in.

GiST #88

2010-03-09T13:16:00.000-05:00

1. Reading other blog entries on GiST. I'm inspired by so many people here!

2. Freshly made coffee!

3. I had so much fun posting about Kosmo's tummy for Cats on Tuesday!

4. This morning, the birds were singing again and the cats were crowded together in the windows, chattering back like mad!

5. Although it was a little chilly this morning, it still felt mild enough to open some windows to let in wonderful fresh air!

GiST #87

2010-03-08T19:32:00.000-05:00

1. Another positive session with Susan, my therapist. She wants me to write on paper about my re-emerging memories because there's more of a "connect" or something. I've been doing that but the memories are coming so fast I can't keep up. I started to make a list so that I can go back and remember memories I need to write about. It would be a lot easier if I could type it. Oh well.

2. The man who services our water system (we have a well so we need to have a softener and other servicing done to it so we have clean water free of iron) is a very decent man. He is letting us split his fee into four monthly payments and that is such a relief for us!

3. We got into a discussion about books with the office manager at our therapist's office. We've known her for several years and it's nice to go beyond the formal niceties and actually talk to people we deal with regularly (at a business level, I mean).

4. There was a chilly start to the day but it soon became another lovely day! Oh spring, are you here?

5. I got some adorable pictures of one of the cats showing off his tummy and am going to post it for my "Cats on Tuesday" tomorrow!

GiST #86

2010-03-07T19:31:00.000-05:00

The weekend edition:

1. It was so much fun to play "Noah's Ark" with Little T! How our game has evolved!
2. The weather has been so mild I could go around with just a sweat jacket. I loved going outdoors--it's feeling like spring at last!
3. We made arrangements for family therapy, starting in two weeks. We all need to come together to talk about certain issues.
4. We may not be able to help my daughter with a car (as we helped her older brother and sister) but we could give her the family room end tables and coffee table and entertainment center (all in very good shape) to use when we do have to move.
5. I didn't have insomnia last night and slept very well!

GiST #85

2010-03-05T18:42:00.000-05:00

1. The temperature went into the 50s today! What a wonderful break from the recent cold, nasty weather!

2. My daughter got hired and not just as a cashier. She's working in the deli. It'll be hectic there and lots of pressure but I think it'll be easier than dealing with tons of groceries coming down the line. Maybe not but we'll see!

3. I finished Everything She Ever Wanted by Ann Rule and

4. I started 1916 by Morgan Llewellyn. So far, so good!

5. I've gotten through another week without stressing out too badly so now I'm going to kick back and relax this evening!

GiST #84

2010-03-03T19:33:00.000-05:00

1. My computer is so slow I have trouble with many websites and have real time-out problems trying to get around to read other blogs and stuff. ... I'm learning patience. Sort of.

2. It's Wednesday, Hump Day, and actually we're just about over it and heading to the weekend!

3. My cat has a noisy, loud purr that's very soothing.

4. His skin condition is coming back but luckily we still have lots of medicine left over.

5. It looks like my daughter's got a job at last (it only took nearly 2 years of searching--job hunting is hard for teens nowadays) and I'm very happy for her. She's very excited!

GiST #83

2010-02-28T09:29:00.000-05:00

It's been several days since I posted a GiST and I really missed it. It's been days of ups and downs and this list probably will cover something from each day.

1. This morning I saw one of those specially bred Bengal-domestic cats. The animal was ginormous but so beautiful and graceful! I wondered who she belonged to as she loped down our street. I seriously doubt this specially "designed" breed has hit the stray population yet so someone is missing their very valuable cat!

2. Well, another virus infected my computer and it was down most of yesterday but I have a very talented hubby who devoted hours to getting rid of it. Thanks, TB, love you!!!!

3. Linda is having a baby girl. Of course, this would also be a grace if she found out she's carrying a boy. I think it's really cool to know so we know what the new baby will need. I always enjoyed getting pretty things for my girls when they were babies.

4. My son's car broke down on his way to work Friday--yes, while the snowstorm was going on. He has no cell phone so he had to hoof it someplace to use a phone. The police called and said they'd found his car and I surmised what had happened. Well, the darn cops called a tow truck even though the car was on the shoulder and their tow truck arrived before AAA could get there. All of that was very irritating and costly but on the bright side, the same durn cop gave my son a ride home and we didn't have to go out on slippery roads to rescue him.

5. My daughter's car is up and running so now she can pitch in and help get her brother to and from places until he can get his car fixed (hopefully tomorrow).

6. The snowstorm wasn't as bad as predicted.

7. Our Angel Foods order came and now our freezer is full until next month.

8. The epidural TB has two weeks ago has caused a really bad flare-up of his back problems. But when we saw the doctor who gave him the injection, he was supportive and sympathetic and absolutely believed that TB could have fibromyalgia. With proper treatment by a specialist, his pain could be reduced without having to keep increasing the pain meds. So now we have an appointment to see that specialist.

9. Last but most definitely not least, it's always a grace to see our Little T. Both TB and I miss our other grandchildren and it's a true blessing to spend time with each and every one of them.

10. Oh! That reminds me of one more grace: I spoke for a short time with grandson Ryan. He normally isn't a talkative young man but I enjoyed it and was amazed at how deep his voice has gotten!

GiST #82

2010-02-24T19:07:00.001-05:00

I may not say it every day but always, there's the grace of having the support and kind comments from other GiST bloggers!

1. I am excited that my DVR counselor is totally on board with me going back to school to finish my degree--even at age 55. I know that there are older people who get their degrees as well, it's just exciting for me. I'm feeling productive.

2. I finished another book -- The Widow's War. Now I've begun another book. I so love to read!

3. We have gotten a reprieve of sorts from the mortgage company. We'll only have to pay a $150/mo. increase instead of $500. It's difficult for us still, but I'll take it. We won't have to sell the house.

4. Lost continues to amaze and astound us!

5. I've become peacefully resigned to another big snowstorm. I can't make it go away so why get in an uproar about it?

GiST #81

2010-02-22T17:57:00.000-05:00

1. A more upbeat session with Susan (my therapist) today. I brought in my photo album and we began looking at my pictures. The idea is to help bring back memories as well as give Susan more background information. We started with pictures I have of grandparents, great-aunts and -uncles and so on. We ended up with baby/young child pictures of me and luckily almost all of these evoked happier memories!

2. I also had a good session with the psychiatrist in that he adjusted some of my meds to help my cope with the agitation that's been coming back. The meds don't numb my feelings. They're just supposed to regulate the anxiety and anger some memories are bringing up.

3. The library is having a book sale and I have $5.00 in my pocket! Wooohoooo!

4. I got another upsetting letter from the bank but decided I would not react and respond. They are wrong and I can correct their mistake but will do so in a calm manner. I will call them tomorrow when I can think clearly.

5. We'd moved the dreadmill into our bedroom to give my mom more room when she was living with us. It definitely crowded us, though, and today my son and TB moved the darn thing back to the family room. The bedroom is less cluttered now, hooray!

GiST #80

2010-02-21T18:00:00.000-05:00

1. Birds were singing merrily this morning. Does this mean spring is coming? I haven't heard such birdsong in what seems like months and months!

2. TB didn't want to tell me about a piece of mail we received yesterday. Our mortgage is being raised $500/mo. because of "increases" to our escrow. Can that be possible? The grace in all this was an unexpected sense of peace. There's no way we can afford this. We'll have to sell and move.

3. My son's been great about taking his sister to and from work. She's afraid to drive on her spare and won't have the money to fix her tire until tomorrow. If my son wasn't able to take her to work, we'd be doing it.

4. I wrote up another book I just finished reading, Nightmare House. I posted it on my reading blog.

5. I got a much-needed few hours of sleep this afternoon. I was up from 2 a.m. to about 10 and then finally was able to fall back asleep. I must have really needed the sleep because I didn't stir until after 3 p.m.!

GiST #79

2010-02-20T16:59:00.000-05:00

The last day or so have been a blur so I can't even remember how far behind I am. Well...they've been tough days but now I feel up to trying out graces in small things. I did think of a few on the past few days but couldn't get to the computer to post them.

1. Since I can't self-medicate with food, I'm having to confront past ghosts and bad memories. Why is this a good thing? Well ... self-medicating to avoid pain isn't solving anything and is not healthy. So while this is very painful and unpleasant, it's healthier.

2. This morning TB and I were talking about that cotton-candy-in-the-brain sensation that is usually called fibromyalgia fog. I see him experiencing it and that's one reason I'm positive he has it. Anyway, I told him I understand the fear and frustration that comes with that feeling of fog and he became emotional and said at last someone gets it. I'm grateful to be that someone.

3. My youngest is about to be discharged from therapy. This is going to bring up some issues of concern--i.e. what happens if the medication no long works for her? She doesn't have anyone to follow her for medication management because of insurance issues. Still, it's a blessing and a grace that she's stable and well and can be released from therapy.

4. The youngest and I enjoyed lunch at our favorite Chinese buffet. We haven't had such a treat in almost a year--well, maybe it's been a year or more. I could only eat one plate of food and then I had trouble finishing it! It was really tasty though!

5. It's always a blessing and a grace to see my little grandson!

GiST #78--Yesterday and this morning

2010-02-17T09:59:00.000-05:00

1. I got this email from my Lost email list and I got a really good chuckle from it. Chuckles these days are really and truly appreciated! I'm sharing the link for all fans of Lost, especially for those who enjoy LOL Cats!

Lost's LOL First Season

2. Too much chocolate gives me the runs now that I've had bariatric surgery. Why is this a small grace? Well, because it's definitely a way to keep my selections of snacks and portion sizes under control! I can enjoy chocolates--but only a couple of pieces.

3. AAA! Heidi's tire went flat on her and having such a membership is a blessing, especially in weather like this!

4. Cats that want to snuggle with me, especially when it's cold.

5. Naturally wavy hair--I let mine dry all wavy and curly and then I brush it out. It's got body!

GiST #77

2010-02-15T16:54:00.000-05:00

1. Some excellent coupons for the protein powder I use. I was able to get them at half price which is such a blessing right now!

2. The pastor visited this afternoon.

3. We're supposed to get another snowstorm (oh no) but this time just a couple of inches instead of a couple of feet.

4. I was able to talk to my brother and hope it helped relieve some of the stress he's under, worrying about my mother's trailer in this miserable weather. He can only do so much and is already exerting himself with near super-human force. I wish I could do more. If she'd behaved herself, she'd be here and we wouldn't have this.

5. The Dr. Phil train wreck family reminds me it could be a lot worse.

GiST #76

2010-02-14T19:04:00.001-05:00

1. I have a rare author signed book! I opened up Nightmare House this morning and realized Douglas Clegg had signed the front page. What a surprise!

2. I finished and blogged about two more books in my reading challenges: Vinegar Hill and I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings.

3. Memes are fun! Memes are questions answered, shared and passed on by bloggers. There's even memes for every day of the week! Check them out here. I participate in them whenever I can.

4. We saw Tomas today!

5. Happy Valentine's Day!

GiST #75

2010-02-13T19:23:00.001-05:00

From yesterday and today:

1. Neighbors with snow blowers! There's a man down the street from us that clears our neighbor's driveway for him whenever it snows. We had such a heavy, wet snow in the last storm that I was worried TB and the kids would hurt themselves shovelling so I paid the guy to bring it over and clear our driveway too. It was worth it!

2. The Olympics have started, yay! I love the Olympics!

3. My mother-in-law went into the hospital for tests Thursday and ended up needing stents placed in her heart. Friday she needed more surgery--an ablation. Last I heard, she was resting comfortably and doing fine.

4. Paperback Swap is awesome! You can trade for books to read and the only cost is that of shipping and handling. Not a bad way to build a to-be-read list!

5. The support from folks here at GiST is enough to bring me to tears sometimes! Thanks you all!

6. I belong to a group called "Precious Memories" on Facebook and every week they have photo contests. This week's theme is "delicious" and I entered this photo of Heidi at 18 mos. old.

It's gotten a lot of votes! I can't tell Heidi though. She would be so embarrassed even though that picture is so sweet--no pun intended!

7. Comfort food on a cold Saturday: Black bean and beef chili with cornbread.

GiST #74

2010-02-11T12:34:00.000-05:00

From yesterday:

1. More lovely snow!

2. I realized that I've lost 100 lbs. since April 13, 2009--the day I had my bariatric surgery.

This was taken just before I went in for surgery

This is me--100 lbs lighter!

3. The neighbor across the street sent over the person he normally hires to clean his driveway after a snowstorm. The guy has a snowblower. He cleared our driveway. That was really nice!

4. I got all caught up on my email for a change!

5. College campuses were closed and the adult kids didn't have to work so everyone was home safe and sound again!

GiST #73

2010-02-09T22:43:00.000-05:00

1. In anticipation of Snowmageddon 2.0, the local community college and school districts will be closed for tomorrow.

2. There's about an inch of snow on the ground now and everyone is in the house, safe and sound.

3. Lost continues to not only entertain but also provides a lot of food for thought!

4. TB's epidural is kicking in and he was doing a lot better today!

5. I am so encouraged by supportive comments left for me at GiST and on my blog. I thank you all!

Stay nice and comfy cozy this night! :)

GiST $72

2010-02-08T19:01:00.000-05:00

For yesterday and today:

1. The roads were clear and there was no problem getting TB to or from the surgical center so he could get his spinal epidural. He had a really hard time of it so I was really glad to be there so I could drive back. I hope the epidural starts to work soon.

2. I finished I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou. I'd never read it and it was long on my list of "I want to read that".

3. Maxwell House instant coffee--it's not bad in a pinch and helped me wake up this afternoon!

4. Kennan -- Tomas' daddy. He came with his plow and cleared out the rest of our driveway and also pushed away the snow in front of our house. He did this because he knew there was more snow coming. Awesome guy!

5. Having a "make-up" birthday celebration with our little guy on Sunday.

6. Part of the jambalaya was pretty good. We won't talk about the other part. ;)

7. The New Orleans Saints won the Super Bowl. Good. I'm still annoyed with the Colts for leaving Baltimore!

8. I finally finally finally got the comments to work on my blog, Atypical Coda!

GiST #71

2010-02-06T21:13:00.002-05:00

1. We got lots and lots and lots of lovely snow today!

Kosmo takes a look at all the snow falling

This was actually the first picture I took this morning. It still looks dark out, doesn't it? See Munchie's eyes reflecting back? She sure was fascinated with it all!

Like Kosmo, Amber's a veteran of watching snowfall. I could tell she was enjoying the view.

2. It was fun to watch the snow out the window on and off all day. It was too windy to go outside so we didn't go for a walk in it. Maybe tomorrow!

3. Split pea soup on a cold snowy day is filling and makes awesome comfort food. We also made grilled cheese sandwiches.

4. Today was a day to do absolutely nothing but read, play on the computer and look out the window.

5. Well ... I did get one thing done: the laundry!

GiST #70

2010-02-05T18:55:00.002-05:00

It was almost not a great day. My computer crashed again last night, the one that TB cobbled together from three older ones. He was so frustrated and couldn't figure out what happened. I was so sad and resigned to using either his or the slow old computer in the living room. But ...

1. TB pulled off another bit of wonder-magic and fixed the cobbled together computer. It's up and running again!

2. I immediately and successfully backed up the files I'd added over the last week. I will need to back stuff up every time I add something new!

3. We managed to successfully navigate our grocery store, full of desperate people looking for milk, bread, eggs and toilet paper. I guess that's because we were looking for green peppers and celery ... can't be without those in a snow storm! ;)

4. New York by Edward Rutherford arrived in the mail today from the Book of the Month Club.

5. Just in time for the big storm, TB and I also got blanket-robes. Now we're set!

Now that my computer is back up, I hope to get around and visit other GiSTers!

GiST #69

2010-02-04T17:43:00.004-05:00

1. Making more progress in the workbook

2. Connecting with a group of people my age on Obesity Help

3. Another day spent basically goofing off

4. A restful nap

5. Chicken fricassee that came out very well!

GiST #68

2010-02-03T16:28:00.003-05:00

1. Getting around a stumbling block on one of my workbook activities. I don't always have to have the answers! It feels good to give in to not having to be perfect. Even if I just scratch the surface, that's progress!

2. Look what TB made for me!

3. Playing Uno with two of the kids today

4. Giving in to not feeling well and ... taking this from Sue ... remembering how well I usually feel!

5. I lost two more pounds! I'm about 35 pounds from MY goal!

GiST #67

2010-02-02T11:13:00.002-05:00

1. Goofing off! I woke up at 4 a.m. and am hoping to take a nap. Since waking up, I have been goofing off--surfing the web, reading email or reading my book. I haven't wanted to do anything "productive" but today...that's OK!

2. Nice warm track tops that I can pull over a t-shirt or blouse and stay warm warm warm!

3. Lost is on tonight! Oh, sweet anticipation!

4. Checking my progress on my New Year's resolutions and realizing I'm doing well with my work on them!

5. Celebrating with my daughter on her high game of 196 (bowling) last night!

GiST #66

2010-02-01T10:37:00.002-05:00

1. I felt a sudden connection to my "inner child" this morning, catching a glimpse of the hurt and angry little one who was acted out school but still didn't get "help". It's the first time I've truly and honestly seen and felt that. Tears came, feeling empathy ... and recognizing that these were sort of healing tears.

2. I finished Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane and blogged about it. I just started I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou.

3. I had memories popping up like mad last night and I rushed to write them all down. I haven't sat down to examine them and try to figure out what exactly was driving my "acting out" in school but I think I will. I think my anger surfaced in school because it had to come out somewhere, I didn't know what else to do with it, and school was a "safer" environment than home. That's a start.

4. Successfully helped TB clip the nails of five of our six kitties. No more hurtful scratchies for awhile! :)

5. Looking forward to this evening's bariatric support group meeting. The speaker is a person that I greatly admire and respect. She's going to be collecting favorite recipes to compile into a book just for us bariatric surgery folks!

GiST #65

2010-01-31T09:33:00.003-05:00

1. Goodwill and Freecycle are my best friends for clothes. Yesterday we stopped at Goodwill because Kristin needed a pair of boots. While we were there, I saw a pair of jeans in my size for $4.99. But wait ... it was a green tag so it was 50% off! Goodwill runs these daily specials where you get so much off if it's a particular color tag. Yes!

Here is a picture I took of the bounty TB got from Freecycle. Somewhere in all this, you can see Munchkin. :)

2. It turned out that Little T wasn't feeling well and Linda couldn't come over so we didn't get to see out grandson yesterday afternoon but we're supposed to see him today if he's feeling better! Saying a prayer he's well and over the bug that's been troubling him all week.

3. I chatted with my granddaughter for a short time. I always love that.

4. We got a little snow but not so much that Heidi had any great difficulty getting home from work last night.

5. TB made a piggy for Heidi from scrap wood and she loved it. I felt happy to see how delighted she was with it.

GiST #64

2010-01-29T19:01:00.004-05:00

1. Now I can explain why our big dumb Labrador is a-scared of our Kosmo, who's not a petite cat but certainly nowhere in the league of a big dog! If a bear will back off from a cat, of course a Lab will!

2. Hot orange spice Essenia tea on a frigid night. Now...just need to warm up my toesies!

3. Grace in small things and all the wonderful people I'm getting to know--a big change beginning to happen for me as I find some things to be grateful for in even a very bad day!

4. The anticipation of snow coming ...

5. ...and a visit from our little guy tomorrow. Tomas is like GiST ... he can brighten any day and make it better!

And I dunno why the comments on my blog aren't working. :( I even switched back to a Blogger template. Oh well...try try again ...

GiST #63

2010-01-28T21:18:00.004-05:00

1. I learned how to add comments to my blog! I didn't realize the comments weren't enabled until another GiSTer pointed it out. Then I realized it was a customized template and I wasn't sure how to enable the comments so .... I looked it up! And it worked! I really like it when things work!

2. I decided I can forgo the frustration of Farmville on Facebook. Do I really need an application that is going to slow my computer down to a crawl? No! So I am happily turning my back on it!

3. It's nice when I can reason with/calm down my daughter. She's positive she's going to fail her final. I don't think she is; I think she just needs to walk away from her material for a while--a short break.

4. Girl Scout cookies! I'd been craving something to eat and then realized I had an unopened box of cookies!

5. Wrapping myself up in a blanket and reading my book! Good night!

GiST #62

2010-01-27T22:22:00.001-05:00

I was supposed to post this last night and I forgot! My goodness!

1. My therapist thinks we've progressed to the point where I can meet with her every other week. I'm not sure how I feel about that but I do know it's a positive sign that I'm not in crisis mode right now!

2. I wrote a letter to my uncle asking a couple of questions about family background and history. I felt strong enough to reach out and try to learn more about our family's dynamics.

3. In the same vein, I emailed a cousin who actually lives about 45 minutes from here and asked if we could get together for a coffee. I think it's about time to move closer to the family.

4. Daydreaming about a vacation in Ocean City, Maryland with my cousins, their spouses, my brother, TB and me made me feel excited and hopeful. I have so many good memories of those vacations (when I was a teenager/young adult). I think we'd have a great time!

5. I felt as if I could focus better and get more things done from my "to-do" list. It's a really happy feeling, one of accomplishment.

GiST #61

2010-01-26T19:29:00.004-05:00

1. Uploading pictures from Kristin's birthday helped me relive Sunday a little. What a wonderful day!

Kristin’s 18th birthday

2. More reliving of happier moments: I've been in touch with my cousins more frequently and have been reminiscing about good times on family vacations in Ocean City, Maryland. This picture was taken in 1977, when I was 22. That is me on the far left.

3. We have to give Cubby an oral steroid for his dermatitis for the next few days. It is virtually impossible to pill him but he loves yogurt and so we've been crushing the pill, mixing it up in a tablespoon or two of flavored yogurt and feeding it to him. He loves it.

4. I am enjoying a game called Lexulous on Facebook. It's similar to Scrabble and I've always loved that game!

5. I feel like I've gotten some things accomplished today--made a few necessary appointments, scanned loose pictures and news articles and a few other things. It feels good!

GiST #60

2010-01-24T22:25:00.003-05:00

1. I am getting used to my new "old" computer very quickly. It's been cobbled together from the parts of three broken computers. Pretty amazing!

2. I had a nice long chat with my brother today.

3. My youngest baby is 18! All of my babies are now young adults. Time really does fly in the blink of an eye!

Kristin then:

Kristin now:

4. Is that an awesome cow or what? Ted made it from scrap wood he'd gotten from Freecycle. It's only the second piece Ted's ever made. The first one is a bird he made, also from scrap wood, and gave to me for Christmas. That cow meant a lot to Kristin and I'm glad.

5. Kristin's party went very smoothly. She's friends with a group of very nice young people. She had a wonderful time and I'm very happy for her. I almost felt like an extension of myself was having one heck of a wonderful 18th birthday party!

GiST #59

2010-01-23T21:55:00.003-05:00

1. A much easier day to focus on graces!

2. For whatever reason, I got it into my head to check webshots.com for pictures I'd uploaded of the cats. Until 2 years ago, I'd had a yearly membership so that I could upload up to 55,000 pictures. We had to let it go when TB got hurt and we couldn't afford it anymore. I just assumed my pictures would be deleted...but maybe the first ones would still be there--the free ones.

Well...imagine my surprise when I saw that all 50+ albums were still there, still intact.

2. Wonder of wonder, I found about 1/3 of our vacation pictures to Mystic, CT there! TB and I had taken one wonderful trip to Mystic in the summer of 2007. We spent 5 days and nights there. We took hundreds and hundreds of pictures. We'd gotten this external hard drive to save all our stuff so that in case our computers crashed, our pictures and other things would be backed up. We'd uploaded all our vacation pictures to this drive ... and it crashed! We lost *everything* and we were so heart broken. I hadn't remembered that I'd uploaded all the pictures I took to webshots. What an exhilarating feeling it was to see these pictures had survived!

3. TB successfully cobbled together a computer from parts taken from 3 old ones. Thank goodness he saves all his electronic stuff!

4. I was PM'ing with my granddaughter for a little while today. It was fun to be in touch with her!

5. My grandson came over today. It's always wonderful to see him, play with him, hug him and see how excited he is to come in the door for his visits. Saturdays are wonderful!

GiST #58

2010-01-21T21:57:00.004-05:00

1. Trying to do a GiST when all I feel like doing is crying right now. We had a delay in our mortgage. Our car has needed to have the brakes fixed since we noticed the squealing getting worse in November ... no money for it. One of the cats needs to go to the vet ... no money. TB accidentally swallowed his crown and is waiting for it to pass naturally (ewwwww) because ... we don't have dental insurance and can't afford a new one--although we will rob Peter to pay Paul and put the car and the cat off again. And now ... my computer crashed. TB can't figure out what's wrong so we can't fix it. I am really scared that it's so broken I've lost all my pictures from July-now. I didn't back them up yet. That's what really makes me want to cry. Fixing my computer is way down on the list of priorities right now.

2. We got four big bags of clothes from Freecycle this morning. TB has clothes for each season now. I'd taken a picture of Munchkin hiding in the mountains of clothes this morning but didn't get a chance to upload it.

3. I had a positive meeting with my DVR (Division of Vocational Rehabilitation) counselor today. She is calling to set up another appointment so we can talk further. Basically, we were talking about what I'd like to do when I "grow up" (actually try to go back to work).

4. I've been exploring some of the websites my counselor provided and decided I really want to be in human services. I could also be a teacher's aide. In human services, I would like to do something like provide support to other ACOAs or to families with deaf members or who have other psychological or substance abuse issues. Or, also in the realm of human services, I'd like to work in the WIC (Women, Infant & Children's) program. I loved that job.

5. I looked at the information about interpreter for the deaf and see that it's classified as needing "considerable preparation" in terms of education and experience. I loved it so much and I'm sorry I'm unable to interpret anymore. I feel really good about this, though: I was an interpreter for over 20 years and I was good at it. It's nice to see that the type of work I did is something respected highly and something I in which I can take a lot of pride. :)

GiST #57

2010-01-20T22:37:00.002-05:00

It's been a day of major frustrations so this is going to be a real challenge but here goes:

1. TB and I have both been growing and changing. That gives me the safer environment I need to explore areas in which I need to heal and recover

2. The school security guard didn't think my driver's license looked anything like me and had to double check another source to make sure I was really me! This is a grace because the picture on my license is my 110-pound-heavier-self

3. My cat Amber usually is very reserved and doesn't like to be around people. Today she snuggled up with me not once, not twice, but three times!

4. We have enough leftovers left for another leftover night!

5. TB is very patient trying to fix my stupid computer. If it was me, I'd have kicked it across the room already. ;)

GiST #56

2010-01-19T19:09:00.002-05:00

1. I am happy that I kept my temper in check when dealing with that dreadful mortgage company, even though I was provoked at a couple of points. I was on/off hold for over two hours and had to deal with 10 different people, some of them real morons, before I finally learned the truth about our loan modification application: we are denied because we are not three months behind.

2. Because I was able to keep my temper in check, I finally talked to a person (#11) who helped me get into an at-risk-for-default modification program. I am angry that we have to wait another 45 days (until the end of March) to hear anything but at least it's something.

3. There was no other pressing matters or appointments on the agenda today. That is always definitely a grace!

4. My husband's cooking! Today he made some awesome red cabbage and sausage. I so love cabbage and sausage! When I was growing up, I used to have it boiled together in water. TB made it by sauteeing it in a large frying pan.

5. Pop Tarts are on sale! I used to love eating them for breakfast when I was a kid. Over the years, I'd stopped eating them because of the sugar and fat in them and because of the cost. Now that I've had weight loss surgery, though, I don't absorb fats. And they were on sale so we got some, yum!

GiST #55

2010-01-18T19:31:00.003-05:00

1. This is the most wonderful grace I've had in days. My cousin Edith, who's 10 years younger than me, sent me a note. She'd been looking at pictures I'd posted of the two of us a good 35 or so years ago and it brought back some wonderful memories. I had no idea I'd made any impact on her beyond taking her out to some fun places. What she said in her post brought tears to my eyes. What she doesn't know ... and what I want to tell her ... is how much meaning she brought to my life in some very difficult, traumatic years. I was lonely and isolated in a very dysfunctional household. When I was with my cousin, though, I could have fun and be a child. Not only that, I felt she looked up to me and that I could protect her. I could protect her as I had never been protected--I felt...weird...but I felt like a superhero. As she grew, she turned into one really awesome person, but also a person who was strong and didn't need to be protected anymore. That is a very good thing and a very sad thing (for me). I sure do cherish these memories! I have always and will always love her so much!

2. Judge Judy. Does anyone else watch her? Oh, I love her! She tells it like it is and no one can run a court like she can. My most favorite quote of hers: "Because ... I'm the boss, applesauce!" I also likes the way she tells some of these people to "oh, grow UP!"

3. The Dr. Phil family. This is a family that has been on Dr. Phil off and on for the last six years. They are their very own soap opera, a complete train wreck. Why are they a grace for me? Some one's always got more problems than I do and this puts it all in perspective sometimes! Besides...I have to admit, I have to look at the wreck along the road as I pass by. :P

4. Kids fighting can be a positive thing. Yes. Really. I'm not crazy. Sometimes you get these little teachable moments in there that makes it worthwhile. Really. Trust me. Heh.

5. I am smiling, thinking I've got the whole evening ahead to read and relax!

GiST #54

2010-01-17T22:24:00.002-05:00

1. I went to the library with my daughter today. I love libraries! I've had a library card for years, as soon as I was old enough to get one. I feel a sense of exultation looking around and realizing I have access to *that* many books! I know I have access to many on the internet but ... it just ain't the same feeling.

2. I found some books I hope will be helpful for TB (and for me too). One has to do with natural medicine for back pain, including yoga. Another was about breathing methods in yoga. I am going to look for a beginning yoga class for us at the senior center, where they're offered at no cost.

3. I blogged about two books I read last year. I feel good about catching up on things I let go of for whatever reason.

4. I enjoyed listening to the girls giggling and laughing. I've written about that before and I know others feel the same way. It's nice to listen to them get along when for so many years they fought like cats and dogs!

5. My scanner is such a great tool! I've been using it so that I can record and save on CDs and DVDs pictures taken from over 50 years ago to the time I started using an electronic camera instead. This picture of my brother and me was taken when he graduated Navy boot camp in February, 1975.

GiST #53

2010-01-16T18:47:00.001-05:00

Here I am again before it gets too late!

1. Our dog had a nasty looking wound under his ear and I was upset because I was afraid it was badly infected. No one noticed it because he didn't scratch or shake his head. It's *under* his ear so it wasn't visible and even when I'd hug or pet him, I didn't see it. Anyway, my son cleaned it up and it was dried blood that made it look so ugly. It's mostly healed. He put disinfectant on it and a liquid bandage. The dog can't lick it so we thought it would be OK to do that. It's not infected though, thank heavens!

2. I donated a thousand MyPoints out of my 1,450 to the Red Cross. I don't know what that equals to but I feel good about doing it because it goes to help the people in Haiti. My DH and I wanted so badly to do something but we are flat broke. You get 5 MyPoints every time you click a button in the emails they send you. You go to a page with an ad on it. I never really read the ads but I figure to get 5 points a click where's the harm? Over the last couple of years, I've redeemed gift certificates for books and clothes. Not bad.

3. We are having a Lost marathon today!

4. I was able to catch up on more of my email which is a relief. I get very anxious with so much unanswered mail so I was having a lot of agita about it. I know ... email is nothing to get anxious about but this is one of the "all or nothing" thinking things I still do to myself. :P

5. I blogged about Schindler's List on my Bookaholic blog. Another book from my reading challenge completed! :)

GiST #52

2010-01-16T14:05:00.002-05:00

There are some quotes that apply to my last couple of days:

The best laid schemes o' mice an' men
gang aft a-gley.--Robert Burns ("To a Mouse")
[Popularly misquoted as: The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray, or The best laid plans of mice and men go oft astray.]

Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans. John Lennon

If anything can go wrong, it will at the worst possible moment. Murphy's Law

Well ... anyway, without going into all the details, just let it be said that things have a way of working themselves out and all is well right now. Of course, knock wood. ;)

And there were graces, just wasn't able to get them down into writing or online in the last couple of screwball days. Here they are for Thursday and Friday:

1. I have to admire my son for his kindness and generosity. He had classes, then worked a full shift and then came home, hungry and tired, around 10 p.m. only to be ambushed at the door by his sister who was stuck on her physics homework. He sat down with her and patiently worked with her through those problems ... and then ate dinner.

2. My kids also have the spirit of pull togetheredness and that makes me happy because it must mean that I did teach them something! ;)

3. My husband and I were sick with some kind of virus yesterday, had chills and fever. But the illness abated long enough for me to drive over to the bowling alley to get my daughter when my son didn't show up to pick her up. That really scared me ... and then I found out he'd gotten lost and was on the verge of running out of gas so I was able to go rescue him too. Whew!

4. I really feel the love from GiST. Some have contacted me to see if I'm OK. I am. :) And on Thursday, I got inhalers for my older daughter from a GiST member. We are SO grateful!

5. Yesterday, warmer temperatures returned at last!

6. There is a new medication that is helping me deal with the anxiety I've been feeling. The good side is that it does not numb my feelings, it just soothes the agitation and anxiety so that I can work on the emotional issues. Big help!

7. I am making a little more progress with my step work from ACOA.

8. I finished Schindler's List and started The Given Day by Dennis Lehane. So far I'm enjoying it. I love historical fiction most of all.

GiST #51

2010-01-13T18:58:00.002-05:00

1. Talked to TB and to therapist Susan about the chronic low level anxiety and anger I'm always feeling lately. It helped to talk about it instead of just trying to pretend everything is OK. It helped reduce my anxiety level a lot.

2. Now I can recognize when panic attacks are beginning to come back. Made an appointment to see the doctor tomorrow. It's better to address it than to pretend it's not happening.

3. Crossed two more things off my "to-do" list today!

4. Gave in to spontaneity and lack of time to cook and we had breakfast for dinner this evening. Bacon and eggs ... yum!

5. Started a new book today ... I always love picking up a book to read on the very first day. I stroke the cover, yes, I do! I wonder what the book will be about and what adventures lie within, which characters I'll begin to meet today. Okay, so I'm weird. ;)

GiST #50

2010-01-12T21:29:00.002-05:00

Oh dear, I'm slipping up. These cover the last two days too.

1. None of us have dental insurance *but* there is a clinic that charges on a sliding scale. I was able to take my daughter for a cleaning and it didn't cost me anything.

2. I'm inspired by the courage and commitment of people like Oskar Schindler. Right now I'm reading Schindler's List and until now, I wasn't really aware of any industrialists making any kind of courageous effort on the part of the Jewish people being exterminated by the Nazis

3. Although I know how to tweak the recipe next time I make it, I'm pretty satisfied with the meatball soup I made tonight

4. I finished another section of the step one portion of my ACOA workbook

5. I didn't cross anything off my "to-do" list today but I did enjoy farting around!

GiST #49

2010-01-10T17:07:00.003-05:00

These cover yesterday and today.

1. Building a runway with my grandson using Marble Works--what fun! What a fantastic educational toy.

2. Chatting with my ACOA sponsor and another ACOA. We're all working on the first step of the 12 step ACOA program. The fellowship was wonderful and so valuable

3. Talking with my brother this afternoon about his dream of starting a hydroponic farm. What a fantastic idea he has and it's so centered on Christ! He isn't into making millions so much as he is about taking care of the earth and the needy.

4. Feeling some pride and accomplishment finishing more of the Step One work I'm doing

5. Making beef stock today and anticipating the nice hearty soup we'll have for dinner tomorrow!

GiST #48

2010-01-08T18:23:00.002-05:00

1. A really nice visit with from our pastor.

2. Nice hot, filling ham & potato soup on a cold evening

3. Watching Lost with my husband and son -- we are all hooked!

4. Putting away the tree, ornaments & Christmas decorations because it brought back happy memories of the recent season

5. There is room to put all the usual "stuff" back that I've missed--like portraits of the kids and Tomas.

GiST #47

2010-01-05T21:26:00.002-05:00

1. My sponsor told me today she admired my strength and how far I've come in recovery. I felt really uncomfortable but I also felt happy with the compliment. Likewise, my therapist said that I am stronger. I didn't see it in myself but if other people are seeing it, it must be so.

2. Today, I did notice that I spoke up about something that was making me feel anxious and I wasn't accusatory about it. I know that a big reason I'm feeling panicky is because of an active issue going on. I'm really pleased with the way I was able to say what I needed appropriately. By doing that, I got positive feedback so I will be encouraged to do it (speak up about feeling uncomfortable or panicky) again.

3. My younger cousin said to me that I am her favorite cousin and she has such warm wonderful memories when she was a child. It brought back some really wonderful memories, thinking about places we went and activities we did together that we enjoyed so much--even something simple like going to see the rock opera movieTommy. I felt like I was going to cry from happiness. I'm sorry she's so far away. I miss her a lot.

4. We went to the Family Service Center's pantry today and the lady filled a giant box with all kinds of food. She even gave us cat food. Someone must have donated it because I'd never been asked if I had a cat before. We are grateful for anything we can get but this lady was especially generous, bless her heart.

5. I am so proud of my son. He has such a generous heart and such a forgiving nature.

GiST #46

2010-01-04T23:37:00.003-05:00

1. Watching TV with all three kids ... it wasn't the program, it was the company!
2. Hot coffee first thing this morning--and I really needed it after sleeping in for 10 days!
3. Leftovers are fantastic when I'm too busy with other stuff to cook.
4. The feeling of amazement and awe at the changes my husband and I have made (in pictures) since January 2008. Between us, we've lost over 300 pounds!
5. The sausage polenta pie was even tastier today than it was yesterday!

GiST #45

2010-01-03T22:31:00.002-05:00

1. Brrrrrrr, baby it's cooooold outside! Burrowing under all the covers with a cat is a nice snuggly way to take a nap and keep warm!

2. Freecycle--what a blessing. People give away things they don't want anymore. It's even better than Goodwill sometimes!

3. A brother and sister who work within a short distance of each other and generally on the same shift ... they can help each other out in a pinch!

4. Hand splints--such a big comfort for arthritic joints when the cold affects them so much!

5. Alarm clocks: don't like them all that much but what would I do without them except be late a lot? ;)

GiST #44

2010-01-02T18:36:00.002-05:00

1. Hugs from my grandson & hearing him say "I love you"
2. The progress he's made with his speech--and he's make so much more eye contact!
3. The young man who is Tomas' father--he is like a son to us
4. A nice fleecy warm blankie on a cold cold morning
5. Wawa coffee ... for those who aren't familiar with Wawa, this is one of those convenience stores like 7-11 where you can run in and pick up fresh coffee or a donut or something really quick. The grocery items are overpriced and you'd only go there for emergencies but ... oh, the coffee! The coffee is inexpensive and oh so good!

GiST #43

2010-01-01T18:36:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year! Some of these GiSTs are from yesterday. I didn't have time to post!

1. I am so happy that I have Windows Movie Maker back. I've missed it. When I upgraded to Vista, it didn't work for me anymore so that's another reason I'm really happy I went back to XP!

2. Port wine cheese. It's been so long since I had any and it's so delicious!

3. New Year's Eve snacks. It's so nice to have an excuse to indulge in treats I don't normally get to enjoy! This year, in addition to the port wine cheese, I had some chicken egg rolls, hard salami, Poppycock popcorn treats, potato chips and sour cream dip.

4. Dick Clark. This man is a part of my whole life. It kind of hurt to hear his speech at the Rockin New Year's Eve celebration but you know what? He's come a long way since his stroke and New Year's wouldn't be the same without him!

5. Lost season 5. I have been missing that show so much! It's going to be a real pleasure watching these episodes while I wait for the sixth and final season to start.

6. Looking at old pictures -- they bring back such bittersweet memories.

7. Listening to my daughter sing along with her mp3 player. It's a joy to hear her voice.

GiST #42

2009-12-30T22:00:00.002-05:00

This is no small thing but I wanted to mention this grace: I have a wonderful husband who is willing to examine issues he's got and work through them. Both of us are dealing with anger. Therapy is very painful and change is hard, but we are getting better, millimeter by millimeter.

1. The split pea soup I made is so thick, just the way I love it, and each day, it seems to taste better.
2. One of our cats, Cubby, has a real trust issue. It's taken him a long time to let us touch him or pet him. Now he's begun to get onto my lap and snuggle a little. It feels so good to have won his trust!
3. I wrote my granddaughter a letter and watched the mailman pick it up today. Soon it will reach her.
4. Having bariatric surgery means I can't over eat. I'm learning new ways to cope with stress
5. With Windows Media Player, I can make playlists hours long. Then I can turn on the music and just enjoy without having to worry about changing the CD

GiST #41

2009-12-29T18:51:00.003-05:00

It's been a couple of days since I posted. I had a really rough 48 hours. I'm dismayed by the intensity of the emotion (anger) I felt. But:

1. Figuring out what was driving the intensity was really enlightening
2. Realizing I can learn new anger management skills or brush up on old ones
3. Being in a nice warm house on a frigid evening! Well... it's not that warm in here but there's heat and I can cover up with blankets!
4. Deciding not to pretend I feel something I don't felt really good
5. The smell of my daughter's fresh baked cookies is comforting

GiST #40

2009-12-26T23:52:00.000-05:00

Such a lovely Christmas yesterday and a wonderful day today! I have more than five to list today!

1. There is a great difference in the loving flavor of Christmas when there's a child in the house celebrating too. Our little grandson came over with his father to spend a couple of hours with us. Since we'd all gotten up rather late we hadn't gotten around to opening any gifts yet. I have this Christmas ornament pickle and it's been a tradition since my first marriage to hide the pickle somewhere in the tree. When the kids were small, they had great fun hunting for it. I still put it in the tree every year but now that everyone's grown up, that game's lost its charm for the kids.

*BUT* since we'd gotten off to a late start, Little T was very much interested and excited about finding this pickle. It brought back a lot of the lovely magic!

2. Anyone who might think re-gifting doesn't work, check this out:

3. Grandparents have just as much fun as little kids do with educational hand held games!

4. TB gave me a bird he'd made himself out of a couple of pieces of wood that came from an old beat up dresser. He'd shown me the bird before and I marveled over it, amazed at what he was able to do with his tools. He didn't give it to me at first because I'd seen it already but then finally brought it out.

5. Today we went to the family holiday party. It's always so much fun, especially since all (or nearly all) the family gets together on this occasion! The grace I was going to mention is that it's so wonderful to see the younger generation stepping up and becoming so involved! These young people who were children or in their teens when I married TB are now young adults. This year niece Heather hosted the gathering. She's about 21 and I thought it awesome she undertook such a huge gathering of the clan!

6. I met two fine young men who were totally unfazed by the family's zaniness--Zeb and Dan, boyfriends of sisters Heather and Julie. I was really impressed with their character. Zeb worked really hard behind the scenes and also alongside Heather, setting up, cleaning up and participating. Dan has a great sense of humor and fit right in.

7. White elephants are so much fun to begin with but throw in the now traditional reappearing plastic helmet and you've got a really goofy and hilarious game! TB and I weren't sure if the helmet would show up this year as one brother, wife and children wasn't able to come and so we brought a mini-helmet just in case. Well ... it turns out someone else had the same thought and brought a Raggedy Ann cap with dangling bangs and red braids! So these helmets and cap were going around the room like a hot potato as we kept "stealing" them from one another. The game finally ended when the last gift was chosen and open.

8. The wonder of babies! Nephew Tim and his wife Alicia were there with little Landon, who's 5 months old now. I held him, rocked him, and let him teethe on my finger. It brought back such warm memories of when my kids were babies...and memories of my grandson too. His eyes took in everything and I watched as he "found" his fingers. Everything is so new and such a miraculous thing to a baby!

9. A good laugh: we found out my son's car wouldn't start because he'd forgotten to put it in park when he turned the ignition key! As he said to me, red-faced: "This is why, when you call tech support, they always ask you first off if your computer is *on*." Hee hee

10. I felt proud that my son's turkey made such a big hit. Family members kept saying they'd never tasted a turkey so moist. :)

11. I enjoyed listening as my kids explained to my MIL why we celebrate Christmas in December when that probably wasn't when Jesus was born. I enjoyed watching them cut up and have a wonderful time at this family party.

GiST 39: Christmas Eve Blessings

2009-12-24T19:27:00.002-05:00

We are all home together to watch It's A Wonderful Life, one of the most meaningful Christmas movies I've ever seen. It especially means so much this year!

We made arrangements to see our little grandson tomorrow morning.

Christ is all around us. The air is filled with love.

We are warm.

We have delicious cookies to eat, baked lovingly by Kristin.

GiST #38

2009-12-23T20:01:00.003-05:00

Two things today:

For the last several years, I've complained about the commercialization and Santa-fication of Christmas. I realize the hard times this year are a challenge to me--do I really believe that it's all about the birth of Christ, love, and being together as a family? It was easy enough to say it when I had money for presents to give everyone. But now?

And the good news is the on reflection, I do believe it. It's not about presents. Of course, you can't undo 50-plus years of Christmases overnight and there are days when I feel sad not to have any money for presents. It's not the end of the world. That's not what it's about.

And the other grace is the emerging good memories of my dad. Maybe I'll begin to grieve for him.

One memory of Dad at Christmas: when I was really little, he would read "A Christmas Carol" to me. He wasn't a very good reader so he had to put a finger under each word as he read it aloud. His speech was not bad considering he was severely to profoundly deaf. He tried to put inflection into his voice. I was sorry that he stopped after I got a little older and he began to feel self-conscious about his speech.

Another: I wanted to leave carrots for the reindeer at Christmas. My mom would put out a small plate of cookies and my brother set out a small glass of milk. I thought it was important to feed the reindeer so I put out an unpeeled carrot. The next day there'd be a note from Santa, thanking us for the cookies and milk and thanking me for remembering to feed the reindeer. And there'd be just a jagged stump lying there as if the reindeer had bitten off most of the carrot. Later on, I realized it was my father writing those notes...the handwriting was the same!

I'm glad that these memories are coming back to me. It wasn't all bad stuff.

GiST #37

2009-12-21T14:29:00.000-05:00

'Tis the season, right?

We're having a really rough time though.

Although we applied to have our mortgage restructured, Bank of America is taking its sweet merry time deciding whether or not it'll happen for us.

We need the brakes on our car fixed but can't afford to repair them.

Bill's car broke down on Friday. We need to give him rides to and from work because he has no money to fix his car either.

Kristin has no snow boots and neither does Heidi.

We missed out on the pantry pick-ups this month at St. Ann's. We got held up at the doctor's office on the 10th. That's when we were supposed to sign up for the Christmas pick-up. I wasn't able to get our monthly food voucher from Family Services because we weren't able to get there for Kristin's scheduled appt. on the 19th. Next one isn't until Jan 2. We make just a little too much money in income to qualify for any food stamp assistance.

Bill needs Concerta but can't afford to go to the doctor to get his script renewed. He's on the year program created by the drug manufacturer but needs to be able to see a doctor to get a new script every month.

Heidi can't afford to get to the doctor either for her asthma.

TB keeps gluing his crown back onto his tooth because we have no dental insurance. He's got an appt at the clinic but it's his first visit there so I don't know if they'll fix the crown for him. I hope they do. He's been gluing the tooth together since before Thanksgiving.

We can't afford to get everyone presents for Christmas like we'd like to.

But the reasons I can find to be merry in spite of all that:

1. We have a roof over our heads -- so many don't.
2. We are warm -- so many aren't.
3. We can have three meals a day -- so many are hungry.
4. Everyone will get a gift -- so many won't get anything at all.
5. God works wonders in our lives. He loves all of us.

GiST #36

2009-12-19T22:16:00.003-05:00

Today, I am officially a senior citizen, whoop whoop!

1. Everyone who knows me knows that I have been wanting and wanting snow for a long time. When I woke up this morning, I looked outside and I thought, oh wow, it's like God said this poor woman has had such a rough year and all she wants is some snow. I'm giving her snow for her birthday. And He blessed me with the biggest storm I can remember in years. I have been reveling in it!

These are just two of the pictures I took while TB and I were out walking in it this morning. It's still snowing and I think we must have at least 18 inches! Church services have been cancelled! The grocery store Heidi works for closed early today ... and hopefully they'll be closed tomorrow!

2. The whole family was home today, one of those rare occurrences and it was such a wonderful gift for me--time with my kids and my DH, all of us together. We watched A Christmas Story and Public Enemies together in between the talking and the celebrating and oohing and ahhhing over the snow.

3. We splurged on this roast for my birthday dinner. It was on sale! Kristin made me a delicious cake that was absolutely delicious, the more so because it was made with love.

4. TB fixed my birthstone ring. It's a Claddagh ring and it fits my finger perfectly now!

5. While the lights were out in the house, I decided to take a picture of our tree.

This was one of the best birthdays I can remember!

GiST #35

2009-12-18T23:41:00.004-05:00

We are having such a rough time, financially, physically and emotionally. Still, I feel rich in blessings and it helps to focus on the small every day things that make me happy.

1. Anger can be a good thing when it spurs me to do something positive. I have felt so discouraged about what's happened to the health care reform bill and was feeling pretty apathetic. Words like 'passing this is better than nothing', 'paying ransom to hostage takers' and so on fueled a lot of anger and resentment, as did the whole idea of a *mandate* for health care coverage...but everyone's forced to buy a junk package from the health insurance companies that created the problem in the first place if they can't afford something better. So I've begun writing, emailing & calling about it again. It may be an exercise in futility but at least I'm doing something.

2. There's a lot of snow on the way just in time for my birthday tomorrow! If the snow sticks around, we may have a white Christmas this year!

3. I've been finding more beautiful Christmas music through others' suggestions and explorations of my own. Just a few:

4. While I was surfing around Youtube, I came across "The Marvelous Toy" by Peter, Paul & Mary and enjoyed the memories of my high school days with The Ethnomusicological Society. We were a small group of folk singers and our sponsor was our guitar teacher, Mr. Hiller. Our name was really cool because it just meant we sang a variety of folk songs from all over. Pretty fancy! "The Marvelous Toy" was always a lot of fun to do. I wish I had a recording of us performing the song. Here is Peter, Paul & Mary:

5. I feel like I've accomplished a lot today and am very satisfied.

GiST #34

2009-12-18T23:40:00.000-05:00

1. Russell hasn't been voted off Survivor! His scheming and manipulations can be downright evil but surely he's made this one of the most fun Survivor series ever!

2. The roast chicken came out perfectly and everyone was home at the same time to enjoy it!

3. I had a lot of fun with my Thursday Thirteen today. I enjoyed listening to and watching the music videos!

4. One of the commenters on my blog led me to try this one:

Beautiful!

5. Freecycle is a wonderful way of trading what we don't need any more for something we want or need! Today we picked up an old old dresser someone didn't want anymore. TB can cut it up into pieces of wood so that he can make something from it. It didn't cost us anything and TB has material for projects. We also got a CD/DVD organizer. We keep an eye out for other things we need. We give away items we can't use anymore. Everyone wins! What a great way to do business, eh? ;)

GiST #33

2009-12-16T19:43:00.002-05:00

I have such an awful head cold! Still, today:

1. Had a really good session with Susan the therapist
2. My wonderful DH made a delicious dinner for everyone so I could sleep
3. Puffs tissues for my poor nose--they've got some kind of cold cream in them to lessen the redness & irritation when I keep wiping and blowing my nose!
4. My daughter gave me some of her Halls cough drops--I'd forgotten how soothing they can be
5. The Trans Siberian Orchestra! Another wonderful way for me to experience Christmas and classical music--and these guys are so young! It's wonderful to listen to their rock interpretation of such beautiful music!

GiST #32

2009-12-14T22:42:00.002-05:00

1. While waiting at the doctor's office, I chatted with a young mom who has a 10 month old baby. It brought back memories of me and my kids when they were that little. Oh, the years go so fast! Anyway, this mom genuinely enjoyed interacting with her baby. She's taught her baby some signs.

2. There was a dad there as well with a 2 year old son. The little one is language delayed and the dad has the boy enrolled in early childhood intervention. The visiting teachers have encouraged the family to learn sign language and they are all very much into the idea. The little one's ability to communicate has jumped up and his frustration level has gone way down.

3. It is such a wonderful positive warm feeling to see parents getting behind their kids like that. It's so refreshing from the usual parents I see, the ones who are so impatient with their kids, snapping at them and telling them to shut up.

4. I found two more books with Christmas themes. Now I have four! Whichever ones I don't finish this December, I'll save for next.

5. I love watching Miracle on 34th Street. It's always been a favorite of mine, so magical and so funny. I like the message--that Christmas is about caring and giving, not about commercialism and greed. What's really ironic is that the evils of commercialism were being discussed as far back as 1947. My son watched with me and we watched the classic B&W version.

GiST #31

2009-12-13T16:11:00.003-05:00

Today's graces in spite of having a scratchy sore throat on a rainy gloomy day:

1. Watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas (the movie) with my son as I did part of our Christmas card list

2. Anticipating chili for dinner prepared by my hubby

3. Sleeping a couple of hours this afternoon. Sleep is the best thing for a cold.

4. Catching up with other blogs

5. Reading my book.

GiST #30: Time with our grandson

2009-12-12T22:01:00.003-05:00

The time spent with a loved child is such an immeasurable blessing! Santa came to our town's fire hall today and we wanted to take our grandson. My graces are told with pictures today. :)

What is there about small children and balloons?

The entertainment couldn't have been better!

The big man himself with our little guy! T may not look thrilled in this picture but he really was excited to see Santa.

"What are you going to ask for?"

"Presents."

"What kind of presents?"

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!"

This has to be one of the best shots of the day. ;0)

It doesn't take much to make a child happy--and most of it is just the gift of time with a parent or grandparent.

This is the best gift for me, too.

GiST #29: Better-late-than-never edition

2009-12-11T23:37:00.003-05:00

Christmas shopping can be so stressful--the lists, the crowds, the money spent ... traffic, a feeling that the day is slipping away ...

Well, I had none of that today!

TB and I went around shopping for the grandkids today and it was fun. We didn't bicker and since we'd agree to simplify, simplify we found we had plenty of time to look around at everything. We could think about what we were doing. There was no rush to move on to the next item on the list.

We went into Borders and a miracle occurred: we didn't come out with a trunk load of books! Oh, I won't say we weren't tempted. My hands itched for them terribly. If you've ever tried to stick to your food plan while being tempted by the dessert table you'll know what I mean. Success! We were able to manage the cravings for books. It felt good.

We were feeling tuckered when we got home so a nice nap was in order. It turns out that I slept like a log and didn't wake up until after 5. I knew I should get up and cut the chicken and cook it and that splurging on pizza wouldn't be a great idea but ... I decided to do that anyway. I got no argument from anyone else in the family, LOL.

All in all, it was a very satisfying day. :)

GiST #28

2009-12-10T21:39:00.004-05:00

Today was a doctor sort of day but it wasn't so bad. It was cold but I think the sunshine made all the difference in the world!

1. My blood pressure is wonderful again after running too high last month. Lydia (the nurse practitioner I've seen for years) wanted to know what changes I made and TB answered right away, "There's a whole lot less stress." That is so true!

2. Lydia also looked at the bloodwork results my surgeon'd ordered. My vitamin levels look good to her too so I'm feeling pretty happy about that. I'm boosting my level of Vitamin D a little and I'm going to try and take in a little more iron to boost my saturation level but otherwise those numbers are good

3. My liver function tests came back high and so the surgeon's sending me to see a hematologist. He told me not to worry about it; he's proactive and just wants to check it all out. Lydia went online and found some information for me to read that I could understand. It's so reassuring to have a caretaker who spends time with you and who does stuff like that for you!

4. My TB and I did a little Christmas shopping today. We got my granddaughter an electronic diary with a password on it. My grandkids in Tennessee have been through so much this year. I thought they'd like to have journals but I also know how important privacy is...especially when there's some, um, dysfunction going on. So I was really glad to find this diary. Now I'd like to find something similar for the boys. The major dysfunctions are: financial instability (they've moved from place to place about 3 or 4 times in the last year), an increasingly disabled dad (muscular dystrophy), and the fact that their parents were both arrested for selling hydrocodone & oxycodone to undercover policemen. Their dad actually went to jail for 90 days.

5. My little guy here in NJ, my grandson, has achieved 90% of his IEP already! He is such a bright little boy and he is really taking off, especially now that his communication skills have gotten dramatically better. What a blessing he is!

GiST #27

2009-12-09T20:09:00.003-05:00

1. We (TB and I) had a very good session with therapist Susan. It was really good to hear each other talk about childhood memories and issues. This way we can understand each other better! I felt really good sharing my "breakthrough insights" about my core issues with Susan--the need to control, the rigid all or nothing thinking, putting myself last, enabling, and stifling emotions.

2. The nasty driving rain stopped early and the sun was out by noon. I felt my spirits lift considerably when I saw the rays of sunshine stream through the window! Temperatures went up to about 50 degrees and we walked around outdoors without our coats. No, it's not snow but it's better than that rain!

3. Encouraging my daughter not to get down on herself when she doesn't bowl well felt good. When you get up to throw the ball, take your focus off what you bowled the previous frame and just think about where you need to be right at that moment. I felt like I was giving advice to my inner child too!

4. Lost: Season 5 was at Target for $37 so we picked it up. TB and I are such fanatic Lostaholics!

5. Everyone was together for dinner. This has become such a rare occurrence now (because of the older two's work and college schedules), it's a real blessing. I don't get to see much of my older two and it's such a joy to see them laughing and joking.

GiST #26

2009-12-08T21:08:00.002-05:00

Today I picked up Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics again. I've been reading it off and on over the last 3 weeks and that's okay. One of the important things I've been learning is that recovery is a slow process. It doesn't happen over night -- however much I'd like it to.

I'm getting better at recognizing "all or nothing" thinking, feelings and behavior. I might have rushed through this book 20 years ago and it took a lot for me to slow down and digest things more carefully. When I slow down, I can catch the thoughts and feelings easier. Like: I get all this, it makes sense, I should be able to move on now but I can't so what's wrong? *Nothing* is wrong. It's okay for this to take time.

The other day, when I was feeling stressed and trapped about doing an entry I was able to identify the old all or nothing thinking. I had to get it done in a certain way by a certain time or ... what? I'm a failure? No, not hardly!

Today I got a better understanding of "chunking". A few GiSTs ago, I'd mentioned this all or nothing thinking and how it blocked me from writing. I made a goal of writing creatively every day for a half hour. I haven't always met that goal and put a finger on the feeling--see? FAIL again. But *no*. I don't have to be perfect. Some days it's just not gonna happen because "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans"--i.e. when you have a goal to write on a story a half hour a day.

So ... I'll rework the writing thing by "chunking" it. That means I'll break it down into steps. It goes like this:

1. Set the goal, which is to write a complete story. Done, yay!
2. Pick a topic. This one will be autobiographical in nature. Done, yay!
3. Make a loose outline.
4. Write memories & anecdotes
5. Put the memories/anecdotes in order so that they fit the outline
6. Flesh it out
7. Go back and read what I've got & edit it
8. Start rewriting
9. Finish rewriting it
10. Give it a title

Once I get up to 10, making sure to pat myself on the back at each step, then I can plan the next series of steps--what do I want to do next with the story? So this "chunking" accomplishes a couple of things. It helps me get to where I want to be and it helps reduce this "all perfect or all wrong" kind of thinking.

GiST #25

2009-12-07T22:15:00.001-05:00

What is it with me these last few days? I've actually been giving myself a break and procrastinating and putting stuff off ... and not giving myself a hard time about it! Is this a trend? I got quite a bit of reading and TV watching and hanging-out-with-family time in so now I'm ready to blog a little.

1. Is this a serendipity? Kristin wanted to go to the library and on impulse, I decided to go in with her. Maybe the book I'd requested for December's OH Rants & Raves' book club selection had come in. As it turned out--yes, the book had come in that very afternoon! How 'bout that?

2. Not only had that book come in, so had a book I'd requested way back in June--Push, by Sapphire. But I only have two weeks to read it. And as it happens, I finished A Christmas Blizzard today and so I could start right on it! It's not a big book. I can read it and at least one more Christmas book I'm sure!

3. I have until next year to read Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver, the book club choice. Doesn't that just have a neat sound to it? It just means the due date's in January--but it's a whole new year!

4. I'm done decorating the Christmas tree and the living room! I decided that it's enough for this year, no need to go nuts over it. I read Lightening Online's blog about simplifying Christmas. It made a lot of sense to me!

5. I made a really delicious meatloaf. I love meatloaf. It's such an easy thing to make and you never have to make it the same way twice. It's so filling too.

Let It Go (GiST #24)

2009-12-06T22:59:00.004-05:00

I've had a really nice productive day--meaning I've done things that I wanted to do. This morning I finished decorating the tree. I had a nice lunch and then took a two hour nap, which I really must have needed because I very nearly decided that we could have dinner at 8 and almost kept right on sleeping. Maybe I took such a long nap because I'd been worrying about my TB, who's been in so much extra pain since surgery.

When I got up, I thought that after I got dinner going I *should* do my Grace in Small Things post and another blog entry. Instead, though, I thought, hmmm, I think I'd rather sit in the living room with my daughter. Although she was busy on the computer, it was nice to be in the same room, occasionally talking to each other.

Okay, so after dinner I could do my GiST and blog posts.

Except ... my brother called and I really wanted to talk to him. We had a good long phone conversation and it felt so right to be able to talk to him. We've been so busy over the last few weeks, both of us either on the go all the time or rather stressed and pressed. This evening, both of us were pretty laid back and in a nice groove.

So now it was after 7 and The Amazing Race was nearly on--the finale, and I definitely wanted to watch that with TB. My son came in and joined us and cheered on the young couple that's been winning each leg of the race for weeks--Meghan and Cheyne. They won, too.

The evening's still early. I could go get in my posts except ... now I wanted to hang out with my son.

Now it's late and I started to feel stressed and pressed for the first time. I need to do my GiST at the very least ... and then a little voice said, would it be the end of the world if you didn't list five things today? Who would judge you for that ... except for you, yourself? You can go back to your list tomorrow.

Wow! What power, following that thought. Here I'm putting all this stress on myself for something that is supposed to be positive in my life. What is that but more "all or none" thinking? I have to get it all right or ... or... what? It's all coming from me. It doesn't have to be a certain way or posted at a certain time or even at all if I can't get to it!

The stress immediately dissipated.

I think I'm learning.

That's definitely a graceful moment--as was all of the things I experienced today.

And the pièce de résistance to the day: TB is feeling less pain now!

GiST #23

2009-12-05T18:37:00.000-05:00

Today I had to find grace in a couple of small things and a lot of humor! It was a sodden miserable day--just pouring down dreary cold rain instead of snow--and my hubby was in so much pain he could barely move. :(

1. My daughter just raced in and said it finally started to snow...and it's sticking!

2. My son came out of work in the pouring down rain and found his tire flat. But ... we have AAA and he's covered!

3. My daughter worked the day shift (so did my son) and so all five of us were together for dinner!

4. Tomas came over today and there is *always* a lot of blessing to that!

5. HUMOR!!!!

When I was on Facebook yesterday, I was delighted to see the greetings videos my nephew made of his family at the JibJab website. I wanted to give it a go too. This is the first time I've ever tried this and I don't know how to use photoshop so please excuse the messiness of the pictures, LOL. Enjoy! I sure did!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Here's a greeting from TB and me.

And here's one from the whole family!

GiST #21

2009-12-03T21:27:00.003-05:00

Today's graces:

1. Realizing that deciding not to decide is a powerful decision in itself.

2. Realizing that becoming annoyed at not finishing a "to-do" list is spurred by that old all-or-nothing thinking. I don't have to finish everything on my list in one day. Even if I can't finish everything, there is still a point to making a list in the first place. In other words: easy does it, kiddo!

3. Having a cat sit sentry in front of my monitor, proof reading my screen for me and protecting me from evil websites ;)

4. Watching yet another fun episode of Survivor. Russell is the best player ever...and the most fun to watch! He deserves to win.

5. Comforting myself with the knowledge that God will take care of everything

GiST #20

2009-12-02T22:01:00.003-05:00

Today:

1. It seems a small thing but it means so much to hear that I've grown and made positive changes. I often feel like I'm the same, still have so much to learn. It's true, but I really have made some changes--it's noticeable to someone else!

2. There is power in the realization that I am not a victim--I am not at the mercy of others' approval. I am not the same as everyone but it's okay to be different. I don't have to be in a clique or a group to belong.

3. Truth be told, it's kind of fun to "march to the beat of a different drummer" once I've convinced myself I don't have to fit in with the crowd.

4. I found another station that is playing Christmas music 24/7!

5. We drew names (among our immediate family) for "Secret Santa". This is a wonderful way for everyone to have a gift and no one will go broke. The kids are all happy--the pressure is off to try and scrape up money to get a gift for everyone. The same is true for us, the parents.

It's funny ... we know that Christmas is not about presents. It's about the celebration of the birth of Christ, about family, being together and about love. Yet how deeply the commercialization has rooted itself! Each of us has felt miserable that there isn't enough money to buy gifts for everyone. The kids have been gloom-and-doom about it and even I--who was telling myself it's not the gifts that count, it's the love--was feeling sad and frustrated.

So there will be five gifts, one for each of us, and we will be happy and not flat out can't pay the bills broke. I think this will make a much happier day for us than if we decided to blow off the phone company or mortgage company for the month.

Yay, us! A step in the right direction!

GiST #19

2009-12-01T20:26:00.003-05:00

Happy thoughts, sights & sounds today:

1. Realizing how wonderful and miraculous it is: to have a best friend and lover in my husband; to have all our needs being met right now for food, clothing and shelter--the wants can wait; to listen to the lovely sounds of Christmas while snuggling

2. There was a little toddler at the mall today walking with her dad. Well...she wasn't exactly walking: that's why they're called toddlers! She was soooo adorable! It was clear she wanted to be a "big girl" and was having a wonderful time. She'd stop, look around and smile. I couldn't help but grin back at her and wave and so did my TB. We found out from the young man that the little girl was just over a year old as she stood beaming up at us. Ah, the memories of mine when they were that little and toddling along! How innocent the babies are and what a long full life they (hopefully) have ahead of them. We smiled and went out.

3. We stopped at GNC for our protein. The lady there knows us now and there is a soothing and happy feeling to being recognized as a "regular" in a store such as this--or at our local bank, or at the diner ... it feels ... "homey". It's the old feeling I used to get in my old home town as a child walking around the village with my grandma. Everyone knew us. How comforting to feel like you "fit" and belong!

4. I decided to try the chocolate peanut butter flavored protein. Oh. My. Gosh. It's like having a Reese's Cup in a glass. I'm in heaven!!!

5. I loved to bowl but now I'm not able to. BUT I am living my memories again when I go to the bowling alley to watch my daughter. She is on the varsity team. Today they played another high school. She was doing very well. I watched her take her stance, size up the pins, make her approach and let the ball go. I could feel her anticipation and excitement when the ball found its mark and all the pins went down! The girls fist bumped each other or did high fives. They sat together, heads down, giggling and plotting and gossiping. It brought back such good memories for me. I don't feel sad that I can't bowl now. Maybe some day I can again but still, I have many many good memories to cherish. It's my daughter's turn now. :)

GiST #18

2009-11-30T18:48:00.004-05:00

1. The not so pleasant flavored Caribbean Tropic protein powder is actually quite good when mixed with iced tea. I could easily stay on top of my protein supplements today!

2. Turkey soup tastes better the second day!

3. There is even a silver lining to getting conned: I learned which things I can check now before I get rooked in ... like I'd ever even try again :P

4. Whenever it rains hard like it did today, I nap well

5. How The Grinch Stole Christmas--the original--is on tonight. Oh, I love the Grinchy old Grich! :)

GiST #17

2009-11-29T18:41:00.002-05:00

Happy moments today:

1. I always enjoy working together with one of the kids while I'm making something in the kitchen. Today my son and I collaborated on the turkey soup. It was delicious and a lot of fun!

2. My kitty cat snuggled with me while I was taking my nap

3. I really connected with the points my pastor made today about gratitude in prayer.

4. It felt good to wear a two piece outfit I'd gotten at Goodwill--it looked really nice on me and was totally affordable

5. I am finding peace with the understanding that Christmas gifts may not be a possibility for us this year. That's not what Christmas is about anyway!

GiST #16

2009-11-28T19:58:00.001-05:00

1. I realized today that I need to be stronger about going with my "gut" and not worrying about "offending" my kids. I had some real misgivings about the family of one of my daughter's friends...and the mom called me, being verbally abusive. Everyone heard her. I wasn't wrong to have these misgivings after all!

2. My grandson came over for a couple of hours this afternoon for supervised visitation with his mother. It's always so good to see him!

3. The Christmas tree is up! I'm looking forward to putting the ornaments on it with the help of the rest of the family! :)

4. My son dragged down some of our Christmas boxes from the attic and I had such a good time unpacking them!

5. Leftover turkey dinner is just as tasty as the original meal! :)

GiST #15

2009-11-27T21:15:00.004-05:00

1. Two weeks of doing Grace in Small Things posts and already my outlook's changing. I am always looking for the silver lining every day!

2. We had a fun day with my grandson at a new park.

3. Not only did my TB and I have fun, we found we had the energy to keep up with our grandson and to play with him.

4. Not only did we have fun, find the energy and ability to play, we found we're able to do things we haven't done in years!

5. My sore muscles now remind me that I'm alive and not incapacitated, able to enjoy myself and play like a child!

GiST #14 (AKA Thursday Thirteen)

2009-11-26T09:12:00.000-05:00

I wanted to get my post up this morning before I start running! :) This is a continuation of my last 2 Thursday Thirteens, things I'm grateful for:

1. Today, I'm grateful that my son is roasting the turkey! He does such a great job!

2. Today, I'm grateful we'll all be together at dinner for the first time in several years! There's a hidden blessing to Bill being fired this week and Heidi's store is closing here so she doesn't have to go in at all!

3. Today, I'm grateful for a special day set aside for us to reflect, count our blessings and give thanks to God

4. Today, I'm grateful for my wonderful, beloved husband and best friend

5. Today, I'm grateful for a loving and considerate brother

6. Today, I'm grateful for my kids,grandkids nieces, nephews and all other family members, all lovely, terrific people in their own individual ways

7. Today, I'm grateful for the fact that we are warm, clothed and fed. I don't like it that we have no extra money to go shopping or participate in Black Friday but at least our basic needs are met!

8. Today, I'm grateful for our church and pastor

9. Today, I'm grateful for all the love, support and help I get from my friends

10. Today, I'm grateful for the anticipation of the yummy pie TB made for dessert

11. Today, I'm grateful for the cats who swarm me every morning wanting breakfast or at various times of the day wanting a treat

12. Today, I'm grateful that Survivor is on tonight instead of a rerun or a recap

13. Today, I'm grateful to be alive and in much better health!

Click here for more Thursday Thirteens!

GiST #13

2009-11-25T19:18:00.003-05:00

1. Today I decided to work on my all-or-nothing thinking by setting a goal to myself to write at least a half hour a day. I don't mean blogging or reflecting on my issues. I mean real writing. I've always wanted to write and I did have a couple of spurts of writing energy...once as a child and once as an adult. My creativity dried up mostly because of my negative thinking: it's no good, been told before, not interesting, waste of time and so on. Well I have been telling myself that shouldn't stop me anymore. First of all, it's not that I'm "no good", I'm afraid of not being perfect, of failure. Well...only God is perfect. Why should I deprive myself of something I enjoy because of my own negativity? Why should it have to be correct the first time? So...my goal. I accomplished it today!

2. I got fairly good news from my bariatric surgeon. My labs look great and I've lost 60% of my excess weight. He thinks I'm losing too fast, though, and prescribed an enzyme that would slow down my weight loss. And the thing I'm telling myself not to be scared about is that my liver functions came back high. He wants me to see a specialist. He *did* say that he is proactive, not reactive and he tends to want to do something when he sees some hinkiness going on. This isn't the first time my liver labs have been high. So I will look at this as positive: we'll be able to figure out what's going on NOW before it gets to be a big deal. Yeah.

3. We got a nice box of stuff to help us out with our pantry needs. It's a big help because things are really tight right now, especially because my son got fired. There is more good in the world than there is evil.

4. My husband and I were talking about what things were like when we were growing up and times were rough. Both of us remembered that when we wanted extras, we went out and got jobs. Both of us were babysitters. He went on to car repair. I didn't get my first "real" job until we were out of high school. With the extra money, though, I got myself a guitar and a stereo and other little things I wanted. My youngest must have heard us talking because she got on the computer and started applying for part time jobs. She'd been complaining recently about how unfair it was that we couldn't afford this or that. Sometimes eavesdropping is a good thing!

5. My older daughter pitched right in and helped get the house cleaned up to pass mother-in-law inspection for tomorrow! Usually she complains about helping so this was wonderful!

Goal: Prepare for Thanksgiving.
Affirmation: I can take my time with this. I can forego all-or-nothing thinking. Only God is perfect. :D

GiST #12

2009-11-24T18:31:00.002-05:00

1. The sun broke through again today...I love the sun!
2. We picked up our free ham from Shop Rite today. My daughter works there and got to hear from her manager and a co-worker how much they love Heidi. It's always great to hear good stuff about your kid!
3. I am going to be a nana again next year. My younger stepdaughter Linda is expecting in July. I've decided that even though the circumstances aren't very positive, this is good news anyway.
4. I got a used (but looks brand new) London Fog coat that I can wear to church. It fits me and it looks really nice!
5. Today I waited until I was actually hungry to eat instead of going by the time of day. Sometimes it helps to have everyone eating at all different times!

GiST #11

2009-11-23T18:55:00.002-05:00

1. It was pretty nasty and gloomy all day today but we didn't really have to go out very far or for very long. There were no doctor visits requiring 90 minutes in the car round trip! Today I gave myself permission to just sleep as long and as many times as I needed. It felt good!

2. Crockpot cooking is a wonderful thing! I took a pork picnic shoulder and put it in the crockpot with chopped onions, garlic and a bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's barbecue sauce. Ten hours later: dinner! No muss, no fuss. It was perfect food for a nasty day.

3. I was going to go write down my goal and affirmation for the day and then upload it, maybe answer some memes on my other blog. It seemed like it would be a chore today so I decided I didn't have to if I didn't want to and there was no reason to feel guilty about it. I keep my goal in the front of my brain and repeated my affirmation when I needed. Pressure off!

4. I went to pick up my daughter from bowling practice. I am so happy she has a nice group of friends and isn't socially isolated. It's important to have friends!

5. On Obesity Help, sometimes there are surgery wars which can get downright nasty. There are other people who've had the duodenal switch, like my hubby and me, but they are so bitter and hateful to other people who haven't had the same surgery or are considering a different surgery. It makes me cringe. They'll say nasty things like oh yeah, you'll come over to us when your surgery fails you and wish bad health on these people. I don't like it and don't participate in that kind of bashing. Today I posted that I didn't agree with what they were doing. There's other DSers that feel like me and that's good to know. What's better is that people who've had other surgery and newbies want to be friends because they all can see past this kind of behavior too. It's nice to know not all DSers are rabid!

Today's goal was to take it easy. My affirmation: I can be patient with my growth. This way I have more opportunities to learn about myself.

My goals and affirmations have been somewhat repetitive but that's okay too. One thing I've learned is not to try and work on too much at one time!

GiST #10

2009-11-22T17:52:00.001-05:00

1. I was feeling stressed and anxious but I think I've figured out why. It has to do with trust issues. I thought I felt safe in a new forum but then something happened and it may not be as safe as I thought. On the up side, though, as I was processing all this I thought: I can make it as safe a place as can be for me. I don't have to depend on others to create safety for me. You can't depend on the internet to be a "safe" place, there's going to be conflict, trolls, and bullies anywhere you go. So why get all upset and feeling like I've been betrayed again? That's just letting myself take the victim role again. Instead, I will say to myself: well, this is how it is and I will create my own safety net.

2. I am down another two pounds!

3. I've been ripping Christmas music from my CDs to my computer. Even though my radio reception stunk today, I still enjoyed my holiday music by listening this way!

4. My mother-in-law came over for a while this afternoon and we enjoyed a very pleasant visit

5. The Amazing Race is on tonight! :)

GiST #9

2009-11-21T19:08:00.003-05:00

1. On the Obesity Help forum, I found a board called Fifty & Over and I feel so at home there. The people there are so warm, welcoming and friendly. It feels safe. I think this is another place that will help me, just like the GiST social group. :)

2. Today I worked on a sandbox activity with my 17 year old daughter. She sees a therapist every 2 weeks. She has bipolar disorder and depression, just like me. Today, the therapist invited me to join in. At first I felt skeptical because I'm not that artistic...well, what I mean is: I am inhibited. But as my daughter and I worked together, I began to relax and have fun.

3. I was able to say something to my daughter that moved her to give me a big hug. I've said it before but it's important to me that she knows how important she is to me. She is the "invisible" child in the house, the one who always pitches in and cooperates and never rocks the boat. The thing is, now that we are in the mess we are in I can't help her like I did with her brother and sister--helping her to buy a car, etc. Shoot, I can't even afford for her to join an inexpensive school bowling league. It just feels like there's no reward to being the "good" one. I am not saying that right. It's not fair that I can't help a really good kid like her. I wanted her to at least know how much I love her and appreciate her and I think it made her happy to hear that.

4. My grandson came over today! I haven't seen the little guy in several weeks because someone's always been sick or something. What especially made me feel good was how happy he was to see me. I love it!

5. I did not allow myself to feel guilty about anything today--not about not making the pulled pork or not buying bread or not cleaning, etc....none of it!!! Yay!

My goal today was to take it easy and I believe I accomplished that. My affirmation was to take care of myself because I matter. It felt good.

GiST #8

2009-11-21T00:08:00.001-05:00

Whew, I think I'm making it just under the midnight wire, LOL! I'm late with this tonight and up past my bedtime but it was worth it!

1. We just got back from seeing my niece perform in "Rent" at her college. She played the part of Maureen and what a talented young woman she is! What a voice! What facial expressions and emotion! The whole cast was really very good and I so enjoyed myself!

2. I did not let myself feel guilty today for anything.

3. It was sunny and dry instead of rainy as originally predicted! It made for a much easier drive this evening.

4. At one point I was feeling upset and frustrated and had to drive to take care of an urgent problem that suddenly cropped up. I turned on the car radio and ... Christmas music!!!! B101 started playing Christmas music and they'll be playing it from now through...I guess December 26? Anyway, I was so happy!

5. I am in "one-derland!" One-derland is a term used on Obesity Help to describe getting below 200 pounds--a major accomplishment for most of us! The last time I was there was 15 or so years ago. It was the last time the Weight Watchers program worked for me. Over the years, I'd be able to lose 30-50 pounds but then I'd always plateau and then begin to gain the weight (plus more) back. When I started to develop physical problems, I wasn't able to exercise and that compounded the problem. What saved me was weight loss surgery. It feels so good!

GiST #5

2009-11-17T18:47:00.003-05:00

Today I am grateful for:

1. Cats on Tuesday, a meme started by Gattina. I look forward to the meme because it's so much fun, both participating and reading the other blog entries. I love seeing pictures of all the kitties!

2. Another sunny day!

3. I got of a lot of productive things done today! That felt really good!

4. Food pantries. They really help out in a pinch!

5. Warm comforters to snuggle up in.

GiST 4

2009-11-16T20:31:00.001-05:00

Five positives of the day:

1. Our coffee maker has a timer on it. It's *so* nice to have nice hot coffee ready when we wake up in the morning. Ahhhh, bliss!

2. We had another lovely day. The sun was out and although it wasn't as warm as yesterday, it was still a very mild November day!

3. I saw my doctor (the shrink) today and the turmoil I'm experiencing is pretty normal. He wants to wait another month to see if my emotions settle down before messing with my meds. That's a relief. I don't like feeling as I do but it doesn't seem right to numb them. I need to feel these things to get well.

4. Went to the bowling alley to watch my daughter try out for the high school bowling team. It brought back fond memories and I enjoyed watching her compete. I loved to bowl! Maybe I will again someday.

5. Sicilian pizza with extra cheese and sausage: yum!

My goal of the day: I will accept how I feel and not criticize myself for feeling the way I do

Affirmation of the day: Feeling sad and angry is sometimes as important as feeling happy and peaceful.

God is always with me.

GiST 3

2009-11-15T13:33:00.004-05:00

I thought this was going to be a difficult post for me today because my day didn't start out too well. I am worried and sad about my brother. He's at risk now and I don't want anything to happen to him. I am not worried about my mother. Nothing sticks to her and she'll continue sailing along like nothing happened and all fault and blame lie elsewhere. She feels no guilt.

On the other hand, my brother and I are burdened with guilt. Today, my pastor talked about being grateful for serving God. He focused on Matthew 25, which focuses on two parables and what we can expect for being faithful in serving God. The points that Pastor Glass was making was that when Jesus returns and we all go to be with Him, we won't have any more opportunity to serve here on earth. We don't know when that time will be. Next was the point about being faithful--giving openly and being free with our "talents". The amount isn't important but the fact that we do God's work is.

Well, I started to feel guilty. I felt like I hadn't done anything, first of all. I felt like I'd wasted my "talents"--i.e., my knowledge of sign language and being an interpreter and maybe getting involved in a deaf ministry. I copped out of even pursuing that because I decided that I just couldn't handle it emotionally. Pastor was talking about what it meant to be a "wicked" servant--a person who is blaming others (specifically, God) for what's happened. The example Pastor used I could identify with: if you hadn't made that batch of cookies, I wouldn't have eaten them. If you hadn't left the money on the table, I wouldn't have picked it up. And I felt like I was just blaming my mom for not wanting to get involved with sign language anymore.

But when he started talking about the third point, the verses he focused on was that the "righteous" would get their inheritance because they'd sheltered Jesus or fed Him or clothed Him when it was needed. The righteous said something like, what are you talking about? We never did that for You. And he answered, anytime you did this for a needy person, you did it for me. So then I thought, I think I do that...but am I right to think that? And is it enough?

I was talking to TB about it and he said, yes, one of my gifts is empathy and compassion and I use it a lot. So then I thought, so I'm serving after all? I felt better.

I also feel better because now I realize something else. I grew up doing the best I could but also believing it was not enough. That's what I was told. So it's like I think whatever I do is not good enough. BUT now that I put a finger on it, I can start changing it.

So my GiST today is:

1. The sun is out after so many days of damp dreary rain!
2. I felt well enough to go to church today
3. I heard from one of my cousins, one who understands what's going on. That's a big help.
4. A friend on Facebook offered to do a book swap with me. I love to read!
5. I don't feel guilty anymore--at least, not right now. That's a step in the right direction!

My goal today is: I don't have to feel guilty. I am doing the best I can with what I have.

My affirmation today is: I'm who I'm meant to be, I'm not a mistake.

GiST 2

2009-11-14T09:34:00.002-05:00

These aren't small things and I'm sure I'll be thinking of those within the week. :)

Here are my five positives of the day:

1. No matter what, I have God's love

2. I am so happy to be a wife, mom, stepmom and nana. Nothing feels so good as to have a life's partner that loves me and cares for me as much as TB does. I am so grateful for my kids and grandkids as well. I have to say the connection a mother feels when she looks into the eyes of her child is an awesome thing and practically indescribable. I feel such a strong bond it about brings me to tears when I think of it.

3. I am so thankful to have a loving and supportive extended family.

4. I find strength and hope from my faith

5. My cats greet me every day. It's true that they depend on me for their food but it feels so wonderful when they come to me when I need comfort. Some of them come to me all the time, whether I have treats or not. I love it when Mouse sits half on my lap to be stroked and loved up. His fur is so soft!

My goal today: practice taking care of my needs by making a point to do my piriformis stretches twice a day. I've stretched this morning already.

Affirmation:

My spirituality is my own.
I have chosen the path I am on.
I follow that which I believe to be true.
No one can take that away from me.

From the Bible, Psalm 121:

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

That reinforces my knowledge and belief that God loves me and is always with me. If God loves me no matter what, I can't be all that bad! :)

Grace In Small Things

2009-11-13T16:35:00.003-05:00

Based on the recommendation of another blogger, I joined Grace In Small Things. I think that GiST will help me in my recovery because one of the challenges is to think of five positive things every day. I think I would like to do that.

Here are my five positives of the day:

1. I don't have to be perfect. Only God is perfect. That takes a lot of stress off! It's okay to make mistakes and fumble.

2. "I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me." That's from Phillippians 4:13. That is so powerful! Even when I am feeling stressed and unable to deal with things at the moment or in that day or hour, ultimately I will be able to get through it--no matter how bad it is.

3. I have a wonderful husband that has stood by me through thick and thin. He is never critical or judgmental of me. He's always supportive. He's helped me through this recent crisis. I love him so very much, with all of my heart!

4. On the other hand, I am not a victim and I am not weak. I am strong enough to rescue myself. It is just a blessing to have the love and support of a wonderful man and wonderful friends.

5. I am even greatful for the nasty cold rain we are having today. I don't know if we need it or not but I am reminded of how nice and warm it is inside my house--that I feel very safe and loved here!